Relationships

Throughout our lives we have many different types of relationships, those with our parents, brothers and sisters, friends, neighbours, teachers and many other people. Communication is key in all relationships. We also have romantic and/or sexual relationships as we get older. A caring relationship is when two people feel good about themselves and each other.

Good relationships

Good relationships include things like:

Being good friends
Space and freedom to do your own thing
Knowing your opinions are respected
Having your own interests
Listening to each other
Having fun together
Being able to disagree with each other
Being able to go at your own pace (including sex)
Making decisions together
Being able to talk about it when you have had an argument

With someone who is:

A caring non-abusive person
Cheerful
Consistent
Supportive
Says you look good
Uses your name
Trusts you
Is happy to meet your friends and family
Encourages you to be independent
Supports your learning/career
Is not afraid to admit being wrong
Accepts that you have a right to say no to sex and respects that
Takes responsibility for his/her own wellbeing and happiness
Listens to you
Respects your opinion
Makes you feel safe

Abusive relationships

Uncaring relationships may include:

Your partner gets angry when you talk to other people
Your partner calls you names, puts you down and makes you feel bad
Your partner is verbally aggressive or physically threatens you
Your partner uses force, threats, emotional blackmail or bargains to make you do things you don’t want to
Your partner posts unpleasant or intimate details about you on the internet

An abusive partner may:

Shout
Sulk
Call you names
Make you feel ugly and useless
Get angry
Spend all your money
Expect sex on demand
Threaten to harm you, your family/friends, your pets or property

What are the danger signs?

If any of these things happen to you, you may be in an abusive relationship:

Sexual abuse

If someone does sexual things to you that you don’t agree to, this is sexual abuse

Jealousy and isolation

Jealousy and isolation is when someone cuts you off from your friends or gets angry when you talk to other people

Aggression

Aggression is when someone shouts at you or yells at you, uses physical violence or uses violence to solve problems

Put downs

Put downs are when someone makes you feel stupid, calls you names, makes nasty comments or generally puts you down

Control

Control is when someone checks up on you all the time, threatens or forces you to do things you don’t want to do or doesn’t let you make your own decisions

Where to go for help

Relationship abuse is not a one-off event. It is a cycle and usually gets worse if nothing is done to stop it. Abusers are responsible for their own behaviour and it is not your fault. If you are in an abusive relationship, the best thing for you to do is end it. This may be a tough decision to make and you may need help.

Immediate Danger

Call the police on 999

Under 18?

Visit Childline for details of counsellors who can talk to you about any problem

Free confidential advice

Sexwise is a free, confidential advice line on sex, relationships and contraception for young people aged 18 or under. It’s open from 7am to midnight 7 days a week. Call 0800282930.